– After a sharp nosedive at the end of the last week, it seems like things are looking up for Team Lockout. Paperwork is being prepped to speed the process along, and Mike Silver is confident that you will take your team into your arms when it’s all said and done. So start cutting coupons for chips and salsa and shake off the pain of last year’s fantasy throttling.
– “NFL rookies anxious to collect 1st paycheck” sounds like a tweet featured on whitewhine.com, but upon reading the article, I did empathize for these soon-to-be rich kids. Cam Newton is just like me! Living at home, making egregious dietary choices, swimming in money that dad brought home one day … oh wait.
– This anonymous tipster claims to have obtained Tom Brady’s phone number. Which it likely was right up until the minute he shared that information with the entire internet.
– NFL.com released its top 100 players of 2011. Enjoy imagining what stats they might put up in Week 1 of your fantasy league if there is a Week 1.
WATER COOLER FODDER
– Cowboys WR Roy Williams is suing his ex-girlfriend for one of the better reasons I’ve seen lately: He proposed to her via THE MAIL and she said no without returning the very expensive engagement ring he so nicely put in the envelope. Hard to believe a woman would say no to a proxy proposal. And she looks like such a nice girl.
– Sabermetrics Overlord Bill James has a new book out on what makes a murderer and how we write about crime. Sounds fascinating, but hopefully it doesn’t convince Average Joes that they too can murder another human being with the right statistical analysis and a little overachieving.
– Roger Clemens’ trial starts today. Wait, he didn’t kill someone? Then why are we still doing this?
TODAY’S SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE (BONUS EDITION)
– Charlie Sheen going to the 12th annual Gathering of the Juggalos. There is no God.
– This clever little monkey stole a camera and took photos of itself like a drunk frat boy at a kegger. Which is all cute and good until you start thinking about Planet of the Apes. Then you realize that the monkey’s “smile” is a warning.