– Niners WR Braylon Edwards is suing a restaurant for slander (among other things) because some of the employees claim he assaulted them. Free PR for the restaurant! Mention Braylon brought you there, and you get a free appetizer.
– QB Sam Bradford’s bruised index finger is healing thanks to a weird glove that had electrodes or something. First Peyton Manning’s neck fusion surgery, now this? CYBORG ARMY.
– RB Arian Foster was back at Texans practice yesterday after being slowed by a hamstring injury. Tweetpics or it didn’t happen, Arian.
– Bronco fans are already planning to buy up pro-Tebow billboard space. My GOD haven’t we been over this before?!
– Brian Urlacher has left the Bears indefinitely after the sudden death of his mother. Very sad news, indeed. Our best to the Urlachers during this tough time.
WATER COOLER FODDER
– The Pittsburgh Pirates have set a new record in futility, as they’ve just clinched their 19th-straight losing season – the longest in MLB history. This is why we need a system like the English Premier League. The bottom five teams should get relegated at the end of the season. We’d never see the Pirates again.
– The Auburn war eagle had a bad day at the office, flying into the glass luxury boxes before the game on Saturday. I hope this isn’t some sort of metaphor for America…
– Nike has made some more butt-ugly uniforms for a few college teams, BUT I have to hand it to them — the gloves are absolutely sick. I can’t wait for an opposing QB to throw a pick into the cat-eyed hands of an LSU defender.
– You’re probably already heard the earth-shattering news, but reports are circulating that Sarah Palin was nailin’ Glen Rice (OK, just once. But my joke worked better this way.) I guess she has more in common with the Founding Fathers that she initially let on!
TODAY’S SIGN OF THE (AMISH)POCALYPSE
– Eight Amish men were jailed for refusing to pay the fines for failing to affix orange safety triangles to their buggies. AND THESE ARE THE BEST MUGSHOTS OF ALL TIME.