Aug 30, 2011

Daily link roundup: Mike Vick takes it to the bank

NFL NEWS

– Mike Vick’s makin’ it rain after signing a six-year, $100 million contract with the Eagles. Somewhere, DeSean Jackson is smashing chairs against the wall.

– Titans CB Tommie Campbell plans on making the most of his shot at the NFL, after working as a janitor at Pittsburgh International Airport. The fortitude it takes to clean bathrooms day after day put basically everything else to shame.

– Yet another group of former players are suing the NFL and its affiliated helmet companies for willfully concealing the long-term effects of brain trauma. If only they could remember what those effects are…

– The Vikings’ stadium contract expires on Feb. 1, and there is growing concern among the owners that a deal may not be struck. LA has Zygi Wilf on speed dial. Also, Wilf … what does that stand for?

– The 49ers admit that their O-line play was “disgusting” against the Texans. “Wait, am I allowed to agree with that?” asked Alex Smith as he glued his arms back into their sockets.

– Bengals RB Cedric Benson will be spending his bye week in jail after pleading no contest to assault charges. He’s just trying to give the Bengals more street cred.

WATER COOLER FODDER

– Comedian Joe Mande wrote an article examining Gilbert Arenas’ offensive, usually misogynistic twitter avatars (link NSFW because Gilbert Arenas is a bad, bad man). And, just like that, Arenas disappeared from twitter.

Jamie Moyer is rehabbing for one last go-round in the bigs. He’s like the world’s most mediocre bionic man.

– A man claiming to have been attacked by Grizzlies forward Zach Randolph is now alleging that Randolph took away his weed. ”He (Randolph) snatched the weed out of my hands, like, aggressively, he snatched it like basically saying, ‘I’m taking your weed,’” the man said. Truly one of the great sentences ever uttered in the English language.

– Javaris Crittenton, who has been on the run for the last several days for suspected murder, was arrested at John Wayne Airport in Orange County late last night. Hopefully he was apprehended by John Wayne.

– Ron “The Artist Soon to be Known as Metta World Peace” Artest will be appearing on Dancing With the Stars along with … I can’t. I care so little.

TODAY’S SIGN OF THE (CAT)POCALYPSE

Jedi cats!

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